Post by Dan on Apr 14, 2011 21:32:56 GMT
MAN RULES #1:
Every man should know what channel Sky Sports News is, even if you don’t have Sky.
Addendum: You should also be able to name two female presenters at all times.
Barbeques are acceptable in all weather you can stand up in.
All men should be at least competent at either FIFA or Pro Evo, preferably both. There are no excuses or exceptions.
Knives and forks should only be used if they make the eating process quicker.
The only time it’s acceptable to cry at the cinema is if a dog dies.
All men should have one professional football team and one only. This should be the team from his nearest city or town, regardless of quality or division.
Addendum: If applicable, you are expected to support your father’s team regardless of where they’re from. This supersedes the main rule.
The first person to visit the men’s room on a night out deserves and will accept his punishment.
Never swim in anything shorter than shorts.
Never ever point or signal at another man’s crotch. It’s his job and his job alone to discover if he’s left his zip down.
Men don’t watch badminton or gymnastics. It doesn’t matter if it’s the Olympics.
Men don’t buy birthday presents for men they’re not related to.
Addendum: Joke presents are forgivable.
If your team loses to another man’s team, allow him his moment of glory. Your time will come.
No man can ever watch too much sport.
All men are required to have watched Die Hard, The Godfather, Alien and Star Wars.
Astronauts and adventurers are awesome. Dancers and male air stewards aren’t.
Pub golf is both a sport and a legitimate form of exercise.
Always keep at least one empty urinal between you and another man if you can help it.
High fives are infinitely more awesome if you do it Top Gun style.
Men don’t share anything, especially umbrellas.
Addendum: Umbrellas shouldn’t be used by men at all.
Man points are legal tender.
Men do not use moisturisers, eye-liner, concealer or lip balm.
Never turn down a free beer, even if you’re working in the near future or at that particular moment.
Addendum: It’s ok to refuse if it’s offered by a stranger and already open.
Cold pizza is an acceptable breakfast.
No man should have an opinion on Meryl Streep because no man should have watched one of her films.
Men should always know the difference between flip-flops and sandals.
Men don’t turn up to a barbeque empty handed.
Addendum: If you do, you must volunteer to man the grill one hour for every beer you take.
Never are you permitted to talk to a stranger at the urinal.
It’s OK for men to be scared of spiders, but not dogs.
Only ever use a toilet cubicle if it’s closer to the door than the nearest free urinal.
No man turns down the chance to go to Hooters.
It’s perfectly acceptable to race elevators.
Fridges outside the kitchen are for red meat and beer.
Men should not be afraid to lick a plate.
Men do not dress their pets in anything but a chain around its neck.
Men don’t complain about weather.
Addendum: Unless you’re at a cricket match.
Instruction manuals are only permitted for use after an hour of frustration and swearing.
A man only calls another man after 3am if it’s important or funny.
Every man should know what channel Sky Sports News is, even if you don’t have Sky.
Addendum: You should also be able to name two female presenters at all times.
Barbeques are acceptable in all weather you can stand up in.
All men should be at least competent at either FIFA or Pro Evo, preferably both. There are no excuses or exceptions.
Knives and forks should only be used if they make the eating process quicker.
The only time it’s acceptable to cry at the cinema is if a dog dies.
All men should have one professional football team and one only. This should be the team from his nearest city or town, regardless of quality or division.
Addendum: If applicable, you are expected to support your father’s team regardless of where they’re from. This supersedes the main rule.
The first person to visit the men’s room on a night out deserves and will accept his punishment.
Never swim in anything shorter than shorts.
Never ever point or signal at another man’s crotch. It’s his job and his job alone to discover if he’s left his zip down.
Men don’t watch badminton or gymnastics. It doesn’t matter if it’s the Olympics.
Men don’t buy birthday presents for men they’re not related to.
Addendum: Joke presents are forgivable.
If your team loses to another man’s team, allow him his moment of glory. Your time will come.
No man can ever watch too much sport.
All men are required to have watched Die Hard, The Godfather, Alien and Star Wars.
Astronauts and adventurers are awesome. Dancers and male air stewards aren’t.
Pub golf is both a sport and a legitimate form of exercise.
Always keep at least one empty urinal between you and another man if you can help it.
High fives are infinitely more awesome if you do it Top Gun style.
Men don’t share anything, especially umbrellas.
Addendum: Umbrellas shouldn’t be used by men at all.
Man points are legal tender.
Men do not use moisturisers, eye-liner, concealer or lip balm.
Never turn down a free beer, even if you’re working in the near future or at that particular moment.
Addendum: It’s ok to refuse if it’s offered by a stranger and already open.
Cold pizza is an acceptable breakfast.
No man should have an opinion on Meryl Streep because no man should have watched one of her films.
Men should always know the difference between flip-flops and sandals.
Men don’t turn up to a barbeque empty handed.
Addendum: If you do, you must volunteer to man the grill one hour for every beer you take.
Never are you permitted to talk to a stranger at the urinal.
It’s OK for men to be scared of spiders, but not dogs.
Only ever use a toilet cubicle if it’s closer to the door than the nearest free urinal.
No man turns down the chance to go to Hooters.
It’s perfectly acceptable to race elevators.
Fridges outside the kitchen are for red meat and beer.
Men should not be afraid to lick a plate.
Men do not dress their pets in anything but a chain around its neck.
Men don’t complain about weather.
Addendum: Unless you’re at a cricket match.
Instruction manuals are only permitted for use after an hour of frustration and swearing.
A man only calls another man after 3am if it’s important or funny.
